bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
