My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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