If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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