wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
