I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
