I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
