She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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