all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
