I'm jealous of your bromance
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I believe in your delicious
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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