they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
