I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
