I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
