you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
