Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
