Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
