Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
