Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
