Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
