Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
