i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
