I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
