Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
