I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I love you. Go after that dick
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
