my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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