You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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