Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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