i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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