Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
me + whiskey = a bad person
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
did i just pee glitter
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
