you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
