ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
