I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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