What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
