It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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