Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
either way he was missing a nipple.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
