I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
