Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
