She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
