Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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