He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
