While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
