and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
