she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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