How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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