so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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