Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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