Umm I'm too high to move.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
