In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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