Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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