She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
