Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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