I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
