I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
