I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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