I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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