I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
