Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
