no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
