we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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