he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
