Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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