i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
