Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize