Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
