90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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