Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
