I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize