why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
