Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
