So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
two words...techno handjob
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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