We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
