woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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