Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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