The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.