When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body