Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...