I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening