she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.