I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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