Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
