In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
