you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
