OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
