fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
