She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
