Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
