dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
