laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
