I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
