TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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