I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize