Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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