I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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